Stars Walk Backward
by Tenshi-Oujosama
Summary: How do a god, a demon and a madman see the world after a martyr dies? Differently, if that martyr were Senju Tobirama. Or alternatively, when Senju Tobirama dies in one of his loops, there are consequences. Inspired by blackkat's Dive For Dreams


**Summary: **How do a god, a demon and a madman see the world after a martyr dies? Differently, if that martyr were Senju Tobirama. Or alternatively, when Senju Tobirama dies in one of his loops, there are consequences.

Inspired by blackkat's Dive For Dreams

* * *

_"Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward."_

E.E. Cummings

* * *

**A God's Remorse**

Hashirama dreams of cruel beautiful smiles and of never ending _(hot)_ red. He would wake up looking for his brother, expecting to hear Tobirama's comforting concern, before remembering that his little brother is too far for him to reach. Can never be reached.

He remembers the faint smile and cruel selflessness. Tobirama, stoic and logical little brother, had never been merciful even in his moments of kindness.

(He remembers the smile the most. It was barely there but it made Tobirama look younger and freer as his eyes looked into the future only he can see and then Hashirama remembers the never-ending red over the slowly cooling body. So much red... he drowns in it)

Breathe in. Breathe out.

_"You share a dream"_

A distant echo ringing clear in his ears. It was a soft wistful sort of voice that was out of place from Tobirama's usual even and oftentimes cutting tones; He should have tried harder for his brother.

_"Allow me to contribute the only way I can."_

Hashirama should have seen the warning signs. He remembers little Tobirama, bright and curious as a toddler with soft smiles and a softer heart before their father made him lock all his emotions to be the perfect little soldier. He remembers Tobirama who loves with all his all being, forgetting his own self. Tobirama who gives and gives but never asks; Hashirama's precious baby brother. _Only remaining blood brother (Was the only brother left)_

He was seeing the cold soldier exterior, the one who cut a bloody path and victory for the Senju (Hashirama is not stupid, he knows for all his clan obeys and respect his power, it was Tobirama they trust to hold all their lives). In his blindness, Hashirama forgets the lonely little brother, with dreams of peace and silent rebellion

_"Adults are all stupid."_

Tobirama has always been a realist and borderline pessimist, more mature and more ruthless which allowed Hashirama the leeway in keeping his rose-tinted view on the world. For all Hashirama's dream for a better future, he valued the opinion of an enemy_(friendbestfriendhewasmyfriend_) who would rather stab him to bleed on the earth rather than the steady cool pillar that was his own blood(_littlebrothermostpreciousmine_).

He still loved Madara and he sometimes wondered if Tōka was right when she called him a traitor, accusing him of loving the enemy more than his brother.

_"Traitor! Tobirama is your brother! Why can't you avenge him?"_

Tobirama rarely graces his smiles to anyone but Tōka, who was a special existence. She was a truer sister to Tobirama than Hashirama was a brother. That truth hurts a lot. More than it should be because he could have been a better leader and even a better brother.

(The traitorous little voice calls him a better friend than a brother).

Hashirama cries as he remembers Tobirama's haunting smile and merciless words of hope, cutting him deeply, more than Madara's demands. He could remember how his own hands stained with murder and drowning hot red.

(For wasn't his own naiveté and weakness that Tobirama died? ).

If he closes his eyes, he could still hear the wet gurgles, like a peaceful stream that lulls you to sleep, and the soundless gasps of a dying man who foresaw the bright future ahead. Hashirama remembers cradling his last brother, dying with a smile and eyes closed. If not for the gaping wound and the rapidly leaving warmth, Tobirama merely looked asleep, content and dreaming of the sunshine ahead.

He failed Kawarama. He only had two brothers left.

_"I'd protect both of you!"_

He failed Itama, he only has (_**had**_) Tobirama

(_'And what about Madara?'_ that traitorous voice laughed).

He dreamt of peace for his remaining brother.

_"Would it suffice if I killed myself?"_

His dream killed his only brother.

(Aren't you a failure, oh god of shinobi?)

_"With all of my heart and soul and will, I believe you will bring peace to this world"_

Hashirama wanted to rage and anger. He wanted his little brother back; safe in his arms, alive, whole and well. The traitorous little voice wanted to hate because no matter how hard he scrubs his hands, he would always see them stained by Tobirama's blood. **Re**_d_ and h**o**_t_.

_" I believe you will bring peace to this world"_

The soft cruel echoes never left his head, imprinting into his heart and carved deep into his soul.

Hashirama was tired. This cycle of hate that births vengeance and death and the impossibility of a dream. He wanted out. He wanted his brothers back. He wanted many things, and at that moment he wanted to drown in all his grief. He wanted to hate with all his soul.

His little brothers. He wanted them back. Kawarama with his mischievous ways and loud peals of laughter; Itama with his sweet smiles and golden heart; and Tobirama, with his sharp barbs and warm comforts.

And among the three, he wanted to apologize to Tobirama the most. He was the brother Hashirama failed the most.

_" I believe you will bring peace to this world"_

Tobirama believed in his determination and strength (It wasn't true, Hashirama was not that strong). Tobirama believed that he can achieve peace.

(No, Hashirama was often at lost of what to do. He's still so lost, like a man set adrift a burning ocean).

Hashirama wasn't sure what his little brother saw in him. Tobirama didn't need to die that day. In more than one way, his little brother was a better shinobi and a truer man than he was.

_"You don't deserve to call him brother! He's mine! Mine more than yours!"_

Hashirama wonders if Tōka would ever forgive him (He doubts that. Tōka would hate and love the world, destroy or build it up just for Tobirama). He hopes he could achieve the peace Tobirama sacrificed for.

_" I believe you will bring peace to this world"_

For Tobirama, he would have peace.

_" … you will bring peace to this world"_

Or die achieving it lest he chose the world to burn.

(Because his little brother died for peace and he _**would**_ have that peace no matter what.)

_(Failure is not an option isn't it, god of shinobi?)_

* * *

**A Demon's Vow**

"If you dive into the abyss, have a care not to become the abyss itself, child," Tōka could still remember Grandaunt Kanade's warnings of the perils of their profession. The old woman with the soft voice and wise bright golden eyes often reminded her of her little cousin. Both of them were a contradiction between idealism and pragmatism.

"Dreams are cruel wishes for people like us. And peace is an improbable dream, Tobi-kun." Grandaunt answered when Tobirama asked if peace can be achieved. Little Tobirama scrunched his nose, muttering about the stupidity of adults while Grandaunt laughed as she agreed with him.

"Peace can never be achieved by one man, Tobirama. Peace must be desired by all hearts. Documents and ceasefires are not peace, but perhaps a beginning of a possibility. Then again with us ninjas, hate and blood is always our way and that possibility might end before it even takes hold within hearts."

"Peace seems nice. Anija says so."

"Ah, Hashi-kun always has his head in the clouds," Grandaunt muttered, both fond and chagrined "I'm afraid I have to ask you to look after your brothers, Tobirama-kun. Peace is beautiful and tempting but we are ninjas. We are not creatures of clouds but beings of the ground. Dreams are not our lifeblood and our reality is a cruel, bloody one. If Hashi-kun continues to seek it at the stake of family, it would only doom us all."

Tōka remembers Tobirama, still five , with eyes too wise his soul gazing at his grandmother's wizened eyes and gave a solemn nod. "I promise to keep the family safe."

"Tōka-chan," Grandaunt Kaneda gave her a small smile, after lulling the small child to sleep "You would look after Tobirama, wouldn't you? I'm afraid he would have to grow up faster than I wish."

Tōka nodded, "He will always be my little brother. You don't have to worry, baa-san."

"Will you protect him even from himself? Even from Hashirama? Even from Batsuma?"

Tōka wasn't sure why Grandaunt Kanade was asking that of her but Tōka promised to put Tobirama above everything, even from the clan itself. She would protect Tobirama from all threats even those of his blood.

Grandaunt Kanade's eyes shone with relief and regret and during that time. Tōka wasn't sure why.

When she saw Batsuma-sama training Tobirama harder than all his brothers, Tōka saw why she was made to promise that. Batsuma-sama was grooming Tobirama to a perfect soldier when he failed to rein his eldest son. Hashirama, for all his strength and charisma, was not a genius like Tobirama. Hashirama was too radical, a dreamer who can endanger his clan with his vision. Tobirama was made to temper that visionary, the shadow behind Hashirama. (Tōka knew that if Hashirama wasn't as strong and gifted as he is, Tobirama would have been the preferred clan heir by the Elders who were already praising his calm and ruthless efficiency.)

Tōka resented Hashirama a bit (_That naïve child! He'll kill us all!_). He was lucky Tobirama loved him as much (Tōka thinks that Hashirama doesn't deserve that much adoration). Tōka would put Tobirama above all else and she was rewarded with a little brother whose smiles and secrets were hers to keep. _ Hers alone_

"I trust you Tōka-nee."

"Of course, kiddo. Big sister is great after all!"

_"You'll have to kill your brother with your own hands…or kill yourself.."_

Which was why she was angered by that bastard's ultimatum (It was war! How dare he demand _**her**_ brother's blood!). Two choices, but only one answer. Hashirama, for all his faults as a dreamer, loves his brother and wouldn't comply with Madara's first choice.

"Uchiha, you bastard!" Tōka snarled, her nagitana gleaming with her wrath. She was not sure why Tobirama spared this one considering majority of the Uchihas were already tired with all the pointless battles and dead children to the point that the possibility of a coup is high (Tōka suspects it has to be Hashirama's fault. Tobirama was weak when it came to this oaf elder brother of his.). She poised herself for the killing blow (How dare he threaten Tobirama! _Kill__**threat**_) but her little brother raised his hand up. She gritted her teeth and sheathed her weapon because she trusted Tobirama.

Oh, how she regrets that now.

Tōka remembered her clan's disbelief that mirrored her own denial, of Hashirama's red hands and Tobirama's body falling down like a puppet cut with its strings. She remembers that her heart was thumping and ringing loudly in hear ears, something boiling and dark was inside her as she lunged forward with her blade, intent to remove the Uchiha from this world (killhim_kill__**kill**_**avenge**_**littlebrother**_).

Sharingan eyes met hers and she wants to pluck them out and make him eat them. Make him suffer and make him wish he was dead!

Then a strong firm body collided with her, struggled to remove her weapon as he tried to stop the raging inferno that she became

"_I will not let my brother's sacrifice be in vain."_

Soft words from the soft clan head but his chakra spiked threatingly **(HowdareyouHASHIRAMA!). **She could feel her fellow soldiers obey.

Not her, never her. Because for all Tōka loves her clan, Tobirama would always come first. He would always be the first, her most precious brother.

She was a sister who lost her little brother

"Traitor!" she snarled at Hashirama "You don't deserve to call him brother! He's mine! Mine more than yours!"

Her words hurt, she knows it but she did not care. It was his fault. He deserves to die! Why does her little brother need to die for a dream not his? Why must Tobirama love Hashirama so much? Tobirama shouldn't have died. At that moment, she hated Hashirama as much as that Uchiha behind him. Even more since that Uchiha had the excuse of being the enemy.

Hashirama never did refute her, unusually silent as he sat down cradling the dying brother in his arms. It was a sight of a pathetic broken man and Tōka wanted to lash out more. But Tobirama is still there so she sat down. To be with her most precious little brother in his final moment breaks her spirit. Tōka was trembling as she stroke his white hair, gently as she can. She wanted to say something but her throat hurts from all her shouting and she was too busy suppressing her own tears. She wanted to shout at Tobirama for such foolishness but she could never find it in her heart to blame him for anything.

It was in silence that her world ended. All her anger turned to grief and for the first time in so many years, she cried out her heart.

_"I offer you peace."_

Hashirama offered his hand to one Uchiha Hikaku, current clan head. She won't ask where Madara is (She would kill him if he ever appears, slowly and painfully and offer his head to Tobirama) and focus on her clan head's negotiation. (It was odd how collected Hashirama was when Tōka remembers the bi-polar little brat with extreme emotions of loud happiness and maddening depression.)

It was Hashirama's dream to build a village, so he made one.

(Actually, Hashirama had no idea where to start but devious sneaky Tobirama who is**[was]** ready for everything and anything under the freaking sun and moon had notes, plans, and blueprints in his storage scroll. All for the eventuality of Hashirama's dream. Tōka's grief-filled heart swelled in bitterness because Tobirama could have fulfilled more had he lived at all.)

Tōka loved and loves Tobirama and for that love, she shared bread with enemies (But not Madara, never Madara. She'd kill him if he appears within her sight. She'll make him bleed and deny him the mercy of clean death. Blood for blood. Flesh for flesh.)

The Uchihas were not that bad, she would admit. They were grateful for this, no more dead children and no more killing Senju's future (Not that they could, in Tōka's honest opinion, because the Senju was winning the war). They might be resentful of Tobirama whose brilliance in tactics and strategy might have given the Senju more than an edge, but they were respectful and grateful for his selfless sacrifice. It was because of that respect that the Uchiha had the presence of mind to oust Madara's leadership for a friendlier face (Because the Senjus, for all they respect Tobirama's sacrifice, were still bitter of his death.)

The Senjus and Uchihas buried their feud as their children bloomed in friendship for each other. Their generation would know no hate for their respective clan.

(And if Tōka noticed Hashirama's careful avoidance of Madara, she saw nothing. Hashirama might still feel love for his old friend but Tōka would destroy anything that would null Tobirama's sacrifice even if it's Hashirama himself.)

Tōka observes her village overhead as sunset hues burned into her. She feels Tobirama and she could feel him watching with her, content with what he saw.

"You would be proud, little brother," she whispered to the wind "And you're right. Hashirama would be flailing at everything if Mito wasn't there with him."

_'Or you' _she wanted to add but she kept her silence. She imagined Tobirama with his still face and a long suffering sigh caused by overbearing idiotic elder brothers and cursing stupidity in general.

She misses him. She always will until death takes her.

"You know, you're a saint," she chuckled "Apparently your suicide by brother does wonders to improve your reputation. Imagine that huh, Tobirama, the symbol of peace."

It still hurts thinking about Tobirama's death when she's alive to see the mark he left behind. Even dead, Tobirama was still a legend. Granted he would be indignant at being called saint-like because Tobirama was many things as shinobi but a saint was never one of them. A softy and couldn't say no to children as the Senju know and take advantage more than a time maybe, but never a saint.

"This peace isn't bad, Tobirama. Perhaps this was what you saw in Hashirama."

Tōka was many things too, but blind and stupid were not one of them. Tobirama always had faith in Hashirama despite being irritated at his antics and idiocy. Tobirama was realistic and borderline cynical, but at heart, Tōka knew he was a bit of a dreamer deep down as much as Hashirama. He was only better at hiding it and thinking things logically. She misses him as if she lost her a part of her soul but she would be strong to protect his legacy.

"For you, little brother. This world is for you."

Tōka loves Tobirama above everything else. She would protect his wish. If she had to become the hidden dagger, to become a monster in the process then so be it. She would burn everything that would destroy Tobirama's legacy… this fragile peace he sacrificed his life for.

Deep inside her heart, grief and hatred twisted and intertwined, shoved into a focus of protection and destruction. A zealous destroyer aiming to protect an intangible legacy. Even if she becomes lost in the darkness, Tōka vows to let Tobirama's wish shine.

(Even if I dive to the abyss and become the abyss itself, I will)

* * *

**A Madman's Phantasm**

Madara was lost in a world that wasn't real. He dreams of nightmares, of dead brothers and of deader enemies, of a remorseless murderer dyed in red, a broken friend and a broken friendship. He dreams of pleasant things, of peace with his family, living brothers and smiling friend, of a faceless lover and warmth and kisses.

He dreams, even when he is wide awake. Of figures dead and long gone, with smiles and laughter and so many things and so much more than make his heart ache with the longing of a thirsty man in a desert seeing a mirage of an oasis. To long for a sip even when knowing that it's an illusion for the faint hope that it was real.

He regrets as he dreams in his reality. He sees his own clan, the one Izuna died for, turn his back on him for the Senju's offer. It should have hurt him but it does not, because deep down inside he understands (They were tired of war. Madara was too tired to live at all.). Instead, it was his enemy and friend that fills him with regret. Of broken bonds, fractured and barely existing (probably stopped existing). Hashirama does not meet his eyes often but those few moments filled Madara with so much regret.

Hashirama's eyes were of a broken man and Madara saw guilt, love, grief, and shame of an older brother who was forced to kill his beloved younger brother for a fragile dream. It was perhaps that love and grief for their once bonds of friendship that Madara is still alive, in exile (a prisoner) just outside the village monitored by those masked patrollers.

Most of the time, Madara wishes Hashirama would listen to that building hate in him. Madara, in those moments, wishes for Hashirama to give in to that hate and kill him instead. (Because Madara understands the older brother who lost all his everything and there was hate for the killer and desire to murder and destroy and burn the whole world)

But sometimes Madara thinks that Hashirama hates him enough to know how Madara hated his own existence. _'It was a fitting punishment,'_ Madara thinks _ 'to force a man to live when he wants to die.' _He never expected Hashirama to be quite cruel.

Madara continues to dream. Of could-have-beens, and should-have-beens. Of a strange child with wise eyes, a little brother of a friend who shadowed his elder brother on that river. Madara dreams of an unamused face and grounded wisdom, a frightening cunning sneaky little shit of a brat that made him respect little brothers with their own big dreams.

_"__At one point, this entire forest was just empty ground, and I think peace is the same. Once the seeds are planted, the roots will reach deep, and then the tree can grow."_

He dreams of _that man_ who was still a boy with sharp red eyes and logical mind whose smiles are rare and laughters rarer. He dreams of a young man with a kind heart under a cold exterior, with a soft spot for children and mewling bundles of fur, who likes to create new things and dreams of building an academy to train children that they may live and survive with skills and not die before their time.

His brother's murderer, Senju's merciless killing machine was barred to him so human and warm. _Senju _fucking _Tobirama_ in all his arrogant standoffish glory and Madara wants to laugh at the absurdity of it all (He doesn't).

He clings to that dream. Of that flushed face and easy to tease temper (and a merciless kick at his shin and that strong punch to his gut and the realization that he's in love). He sees a scrawny teenager who should look awkward at that age, but Dream Tobirama moves with the lethal grace and deadly silence of a perfect killer. A cutting wit and merciless tongue, an infuriating smirk and a rather well-earned arrogance for a boy his age.

Tobirama of his dreams, Madara observes, was rather pretty though that word does not serve him justice. Madara thinks of Tobirama and thinks of a snow leopard, a beautiful feline hunter, a rather cunning adversary and an aggressive protector to whatever he deems as his.

Madara dreams of many things. Of a live brother, strong friendships and an achievable dream. He dreams of Tobirama and knew of love and longing.

He feels pathetic.

He wants it to stop but he wants it to never end.

(He dreams of scorching kisses, naked bodies, and silent moans)

He keeps dreaming

(Warm hands, flushed face, and tender smiles)

He wants it all

(Silly arguments and blissful silence)

Madara wishes to end this torment.

(Tender touches and warm smiles, eyes shining in mirth and love)

He lied.

Madara was too deep in his own delusion. The world of his dreams had become more real than the world he is living in.

His eyes itched, eyes spinning red, trying to recreate that world into his own reality.

_**Genjutsu**_

_'Just once… let an illusion become real. Let me drown in my own lies'_

Yet for all Madara possessed the Mangyekyou Sharingan, it does not have the ability of fooling oneself.

(What is a dream but a sweet nightmare?)

* * *

**Author's Note:**

~ For being the madman and the demon respectively, Madara's and Touka's thoughts are not all over the place compared to Hashirama**. **Then again Hashirama has the excuse of being awoken by a guilt-inducing nightmare and a memory of Tobirama's final moments. He's darker than canon here. He'd be probably more susceptible to Zetsu's manipulation but I'm not sure if the plant monster would be assimilated into Hashirama's plant powers or if Hashirama would take the place of Madara as this world's antagonist via Zetsu. If it's the first scenario then I was imagining of Hashirama from Blighted. If it's the second scenario, it would be some of canon's events with a twist which I made no plans at all other than Zetsu doing the planning and manipulating Hashirama for world peace that his brother(Tobirama) wished for in his dying breath. I was leaning more towards the first scenario where mokuton is made scary and Hashirama with his world peace promise to Tobirama inevitably makes him an anti-villain out conquering the world with his army of Konoha and plant monsters in a join or die for peace way.

~ Touka is very much beautiful in a vengeful way. The Uchiha are not the only ones with the Curse of Hatred there. If things were different and if Zetsu had not been attentive, he'd think she was Indra's incarnation. She's the one with the most linear thoughts though hers is concentrated in grief and hate. She'll accept the peace of Hashirama if only because it was Tobirama's dying wish. She'll be the sensei to Danzou, Koharu and Torifu. Mito gets Hiruzen, Kagami and Homura but pregnancy and Kyuubi still happens so her team transfers to Touka. This squad gets a bit worshipful with Tobirama. Touka is to blame as a primary reason. Surprisingly she doesn't hate Uchiha, just Madara. She may or may not hate Hashirama more.

~ Madara's dreams are from another reality specifically blackkat's Dive For Dreams which he thought were simply fantasies created by his mind in order to cope. His thoughts are not all over the place simply for the fact that, well he keeps on dreaming. His will to live is practically nonexistent by this point. His brother died, Hashirama scorns his presence and his clan abandons him. He could live on hate but Tobirama's sacrificial death makes those thoughts die out which also makes his once strong bond with Hashirama break. (Because what protective older brother would remain your friend if you force him to kill his little brother and said little brother does it for your friend even assisting his own death? Elder brother is very much traumatized and wishes for you not to remain in sight because he has flashbacks. His lingering bond doesn't want to kill ~you though you think he'd rather not kill you and wishes you suffer a lot by living). Zetsu is still there lurking and giving hints to that eternal slumber thing.

~ Zetsu is still around to fuck things. It will be worse because both Indra and Asura incarnations are easier to manipulate than canon.


End file.
